Hi! It has been a long time.
I can’t remember which book it was, but I read somewhere that alot of our stress comes from a difference between expectation and reality. We expect for something to happen or for someone to behave in a particular way. When it doesnt meet that expectation we are left disappointed and stressed.
So the other day I went met up with a guy I was really interested in. We had been on a few dates and made out quite a bit. Thinking that it would be the same after months of not talking and now back in contact with one another I had expectations about what would happen. Lets just say that when we met up again it was nothing like I had hoped. I could have honestly have turned up in a black bag and I dont think he would have cared. (Well actually I dont think I could have lol. What I wore made me feel amazing and felt super pretty) I know it was silly of me to think things would have picked up as before but I did. Although the conversation was constantly flowing and we were joking around alot, I had a strong sense that I had been put into the ‘lovely’ corner that is the friendzone. Through out the night he would constantly check his phone and before we had paid for the bill he had already spoke aloud that he would get home for 10:30pm to give left over take away to his flatmate. It was only 10:00pm and I was still sitting in front of him.
Ok venting over.
I felt disappointed afterwards. I wanted and expected it to be different.
Now I’m not saying that we shouldnt have expectations. Its completely normal for us to wish for something to play out the way we want it to. What I am saying is that we should either be okay if reality does not pair with our expectation or not put too much importance into the expecation becoming reality and be accepting of whatever the result is. Before anyone comments, this is just my opinion for reducing stress because the stress we feel is from the disappointment from the difference. After my initial disappointment I came to realise that I needed that night out with him to actually realise that the version of him I had in my mind wasnt who he really was. I got to dress up and feel pretty after a hard day at work. I got to have a few drinks. I got my little bit of closure and put him behind me.
Look beyond the disappointment, the stress and the negative experiences that we get and see what you can learn from it.